Heidi Heitkamp Guilty of Singing a Different Tune

Heidi Heitkamp is running for a U.S congress position, against Rick "Lettuce" Berg. Heidi has always been well known for singing songs while on the campaign tour. Last night, she was interviewed on MSNBC by well known host, Rachael Maddow. During the interview, Heidi was caught singing the newest hit song by Justin Bieber, "Boyfriend".

After the interview, Heidi's rival, Rick "Lettuce" Berg released a statement.

"I am very disappointed with Heidi. She is singing a different tune, she is clearly pulling a fast one on the voters."

Rick "Lettuce" Berg's office later issued a complaint about Heidi's change of tune.

"Heidi gained support last year after she was caught singing "Imagine" by John Lennon. Combined with her talented voice and her song of choice, Heidi won the support of many. Yesterdays change of tune shows us the real Heidi. If elected, she will sing Justin Bieber songs instead of fighting to lower taxes and abolish Obamacare."

Heidi Heitkamp denounced the complaint as "frivolous" pointing out that Rick "Lettuce Berg had changed from singing church hymns to blatantly singing Lady Gaga's "Born This Way".

"If anyone should be under suspicion, it should be Berg. He is using Lady Gaga's song to justify his arrogance and lack of respect for social issues."

Debates on this subject have caught the internet in a wild fire.

Can you guess what we are singing here at the office?

Please stay tuned for any changes in the candidates singing choices.
 

Satire Sanity News Corp 2012.

Paul Ryan Outed as a Gay Liberal.

Yesterday, during the Democratic National Convention, Paul Ryan was caught on his laptop searching gay porn. But that is not the worst of it. According to our informant, Paul Ryan also had been secretly sending fund money to Obama's campaign headquarters.

"I was there in the room when I caught Paul Ryan in the act. First, I saw him wiring money to the Democratic Federal Labor Party. Later that night after viewing many sites depicting male on male action, I saw Ryan posting anonymous comments praising both President Obama and Nancy Pelosi."

When Mitt Romney was informed of Ryan's actions his his face went blank. After awhile of staring off into space, a smile formed on Mitt's lips.

Stupid Person Doesn't Like People Who Graduated High School

This insanely boring news was brought to our attention here at SatireSanity News Corp. only a few hours ago. A man by the name of Butch was approached by our star reporter, Daniel H, after a commotion occurred outside of a local high school.

When our reporter approached the high school he was hit by a wave of stupidity, radiating from a distinctly ignorant look man-child. He was able to ask Butch a few questions about his protesting outside of the school.

Nancy Pelosi Leaks Sex Tape

Our correspondent, Peter Berg found a disturbing video online today as he was skimming for news of import. The video in question shows in great detail the sex life of Nancy Pelosi, former majority leader of the House. What is very disturbing is her choice of sexual partners. It appears that Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen Degeneres  are both present in the video. This leads to the question of how long Pelosi has been doing this and why she has never informed her constituents of her sexual preferences.

The Jar Speaks Out

According to our correspondent, an event occurred at the Dorothy Day Hospitality House in Moorhead, Minnesota. The police were called to the house for what can only be described  as a horrendous crime, a true invasion of privacy.

Vatican Declares Jesus Possible Witch

A report leaked from Vatican City last night reveals yet another example of the insanity rampant near the papal seat. The report covered the judgement passed down by the current Pope about the miracles reportedly performed by Jesus Christ could be tied to witchcraft. The report puts suspicion on the source of Christ's miracles. If the Pope decides that the miracles are indeed witchcraft, Jesus may find himself a wanted man by the Vatican. A statement by the Pope puts question on Christ's ability to fly, read minds, transmute water into wine, heal and raise the dead as potentially witchcraft based.

After repeating this to Christ in a prayer, Jesus shared a tidbit with me.

"How dare the Pope accuse me of witchcraft! I am a part of God, am I not allowed godly power?"

I sent a copy of Christ's words to the media adviser for the Pope but no response has yet to be received.

Please stay tuned for updates.

Daniel Hines
Reporter for SatireSanity Inc.

Dairy Queen Endorses Lady Gaga

Many months after Lady Gaga's hit single "Born This Way" was introduced to the public, Dairy Queen has decided to endorse Lady Gaga and her music.

The CEO for Dairy Queen was ecstatic when he first heard the song, "Born This Way".

"Don't be a drag, just be a queen", the CEO is often seen shouting out the window of his SUV.

Since his discovery of Lady Gaga's new song, the CEO of Dairy Queen has become Lady Gaga's worst nightmare. After the CEO emailed Lady Gaga's private account asking her to change the lyrics of her song, Gaga filed a police report and reportedly requested a protection order.

Lady Gaga was later asked exactly what changes were asked of her.

"Don't be a drag, eat Dairy Queen".