Iran Unveils Nuclear Project

After years of of fear regarding Iran's nuclear program, all those fears have been a waste of our time after President Ahmadinejad finally disclosed what was being developed in his facilities.

"What we have to show the UN council is something that we believe will help the entire world. I reveal to you all tonight... the long range nuclear food cooker! With this amazing device, all you need to do is, no matter where you are, what you need to do is turn to where you think your house in relation to you. Be it north, south, or east, west, the Nukem Long Range Cooker will meet your needs!"

Later, Ahmadinejad presented the UN with a promotional video of his product.

"The 'Nukem Long Range Cooker' is so simple to use, just insert a new rod of plutonium... like this, then point and aim at your house. Look at what happens in the kitchen as the 'Nukem' is activated!"

A clip from inside the targeted house shows the audience the interior of a kitchen as a refrigerator starts to melt.


 








"See how easy that was! Now get a shovel, put on protective radiation resistant gear, and start scooping away the piles of white goo left over from the fridge. Continue until you see the food. See, the food is perfectly cooked. If it has had time to cool, it should not burn right through your hand."

The UN council members appear to be constipated at this point. 

President Ahmadinejad turns off the projector and smiles.

"You see, I was not making bombs, I was making a kitchen appliances. Let me tell you though, as someone who has tried the food cooked by the 'Nukem', the food turns out great and your skin glows at night. Later this year, we plan on introducing a nuclear stove, guaranteed to cook all the food surrounding it."

If you order today, we will include, absolutely free, two extra plutonium rods to power your 'Nukem'. Also by ordering today we will include potassium iodide pills, guaranteed to protect you from radiation damage. Normally these pills cost 35 dollars in stores, but if you order your 'Nukem' today, we will include them with your order at only 3 dollars a bottle! 

You get all this for the low cost of 18 dollars. But wait, if you call and order today, we will give you a second 'Nukem' for free!

Isn't this a great deal! 

Call 1-800-HOT-FOOD

That's 1-800-HOT-FOOD

We except MasterCard, Discover, VISA and AhmadinejadCredit.

Why wait, call now!"

The UN council sits quietly for a moment as Ahmadinejad takes his seat.

"It is the UN's decision to remove sanctions from Iran, but with one condition. You are not allowed to make nuclear based cooking appliances."

Satire Sanity News Corp 2012