"I hate to do this, as you can see by my photo during the press release. I am forced, by the evil Bill Gates himself, to admit that our new Apple Maps app is downright awful, horrible to be exact. While we must take some of the blame for the new app, it is ultimately Google's fault. They have created a superb service, Google Maps. But because they refused to give us their patent on the program, our service lacks. Google is evil and doesn't want Apple to succeed. Luckily we have a patent on the breathable atmosphere. If I find out that the minds behind Google Maps breathed anything but toxic gases, we will sue."
Still recovering from the shock of Apple's halfhearted apology, today Apple released yet another apology.
"The new iPhone 5 costs us about 180 dollars to make yet we continue to sell it for 649. We realize that this is a 360 percent markup. But we must blame it on Microsoft. Steve Jobs hated Microsoft so much that he demanded all Apple products boast a 360 percent markup to make fun of the Xbox 360. We would like our customers to know that it is Microsoft's fault that Apple is forced to rip you all off."
Surprisingly, Apple fanboys expressed hate towards CEO Tim Cook.
"GO APPLE! It's obvious that Tim Cook is a PC fan. Why else would he lie about Apple? Apple is an honest company with cheap products. Apple may not allow people to upgrade its components, but us Apple fans are rich. Buying a new version of the product is petty change to us. Steve Jobs would have been honest about the company. Apple is awesome! Praise Apple!"
The fanboys then pulled an apple out of one of their bags. They proceeded to prostrate themselves in front of it until one of Apple's Patent police confiscated the apple and had them all arrested.
The video below proves that the iPhone is indeed overpriced junk. Watch it before Apple hacks this site and removes it.
At Tim Cook's private apple orchard I got the chance to interview the man himself.
"Apple is the best I tell you. As a matter of fact, Apple products are selling more than any PC products. The world is mine!! With our patent controlling everything from edible apples to the breathable atmosphere, we are poised to take over the world"
Don't turn to the dark side readers! Resist the cookies they offer you!
The most useful blog post that will expand my knowledge. You will see GPS in Google Maps is usually more appropriate than the Apple Maps. Although in Apple Maps there is no public transportation, no bike routes.
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