Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Gun Ban Wouldn't Keep Nerf Guns Off Streets

Identical Nerf Gun with smaller clip
The Coalition to Stop Gun Violence published a report today to express grave concern with a proposed gun control law currently being considered by legislative committee. According to the report, if current gun control legislation was passed and enforced it would fail to control guns and fail to protect anyone at all.

Nancy Pelosi was interviewed on "Meet the Press" this morning to comment on the alarming report.

"The proposed gun ban, Protection from Flying Lead Act, would fail to protect citizens from other potentially fatal projectile weapons."

To demonstrate her point she withdrew a large green NERF gun and fired a foam dart into the eye of the now deceased host, David Gregory.

Brandishing the toy gun, she pointed at the corpse on the floor.

"NERF guns are largely overlooked by the American people as weapon capable of deadly force. The NRA has successfully for many years, downplayed the lethal force capable of these weapons. Another huge issue with guns such as these is directly related to the large amount of ammo they can carry. The NERF gun I am holding is capable of holding over 15,000 projectile darts. I could kill everyone in this studio with ease."

The NRA was quick to point out that Pelosi's public act of homicide was in fact an act of defense.

"Pelosi's actions should in no way prove the validity of gun control. Meet the Press host, David Gregory, was obviously a threat to her well-being as can be witnessed by the way in which he was eating his Skittles, doing so in such a way as to put Pelosi's life in immediate danger."

David Gregory was only eating blue Skittles which contain a food dye lethal to Ms. Pelosi.

No charges have been filed in the death of David Gregory but the manufacturer of Skittles has been ordered to cease production of it's popular bite-sized candies.

Nancy Pelosi also revealed the dangers of squirt guns after she reportedly blinded her next door neighbor's son who was witnessed running from her backyard with an empty carton of eggs. Pelosi was seen comforting the mother at the hospital.

"Obamacare should cover this."

To date, only one death has been caused by NERF guns, the death of David Gregory.


Satire Sanity News Corps 2013