Friday, October 26, 2012

Ghost Hunters Continue to Breed Stupidity

After years of shooting stupid footage, full of creaking stairs and dust motes, the Ghost Hunters team has finally decided to come to a close. During the series finale, the cast of Ghost Hunters will be introducing their brand new show, "Ghost Worshipers: It's Still All Fake."

"I am a long time hater of Ghost Hunters. My wife always comes running to me about this "proof" or that "proof" that ghosts exist.  She killed my dog last night when the reflection off a lamp made his eyes glow."

Research apparently shows that 100 percent of all Ghost Hunters viewers believe their is a ghost in their house every time the refrigerator door closes by itself.

"I had just taken the milk out of the fridge when the door closed by itself. I can only hope that this ghost is a nice ghost."

Caroline, another viewer of the stupid show also had a paranormal experience to share with us.

"I was upstairs cleaning my bedroom out when a stack of books that I had precariously set on the edge of an end table fell down. I was so afraid that the ghost was trying to hurt me that I lost control of my bladder."

Recently, our chief correspondent's wife crashed into the local deli.

"I was driving to the store when I heard this rattle in the engine. I was so afraid for my life, what if the ghost cut my break lines? I started texting my husband when the ghost made me crash into this building."


In other news, stupid people who talk on their phones as if they are having an orgasm piss me the hell off!! Grow some balls and talk like a man, not a limp noodle with a french accent!!

Satire Sanity News Corp. 2012

Michelle Obama Accuses Husband, Muslim Controversy

Just a few minutes ago, Michelle Obama, wife of the President sent out a very incriminating tweet.

"@BarrackObama Mthrfckr, I saw u sneak 2 mecca, cant wait til u get ur ass home. ur ass... is... toast. #hesamuslim"

Michelle Obama revealed to E! News that her husband had promised her he was not a muslim.

"I kept finding those ugly muslim head coverings stashed in between my evening dresses. I wasn't sure what it was all about until I saw Barrack on television at a huge pilgrimage at Mecca. Since then I found his Koran and his prayer mat hidden, hidden behind our wedding photos."

We here at Satire Sanity pray for Michelles safety in the upcoming days.

"I keep seeing these children and hoping one of them isn't a terrorist. I'm a target now that the muslim world knows I have uncovered the truth."


In other news, President Obama was seen entering a hospital with extensive wounds. He is reportedly being checked into a 'Battered Husbands Crisis Center.'

Satire Sanity News Corp. 2012

Tenant Waits 6 Months for Apartment Key

James Naff is your normal college-age student. He works, gets awesome grades and parties ever other Saturday. He even has an apartment, a very spacious one bedroom with an awesome kitchen. The only problem in James' life is his landlord.

"My landlord is driving me crazy. He does it every week."

He is referring to the multiple times his landlord has unlawfully forced James into the company SUV only to drive around in tight circles until the tenant would begin hallucinating.

What most of James' friends don't realize, apart from being driven crazy, he also sleeps outside. He has his own tent pitched in the backyard. All the camping supplies James could afford are in this little ten foot by ten foot square.

"I signed the lease about six months ago. Then the landlord started acting like an ass. It took me an entire month to get my mailbox key. Now winter is approaching and I have yet to get the key to the apartment. Do you know how frustrating it is to be 25 feet away from a warm apartment?"

According to his lease, James can at no time forcibly enter the premises, thereby preventing him from breaking down the door.

After interviewing James we spoke to his landlord.

"I told him I would get it to him as soon as I can. But my family comes first and we are heading down south for the winter, to stay warm."

Local meteorologist, Dave Dahl, is predicting that James has a 75 percent chance of freezing to death this winter.

"But let's be optimistic, there is also a .005 percent chance that a balmy southern warm front will envelope James' tent keeping him alive for the winter."

Satire Sanity News Corp. 2012

Wednesday, October 24, 2012


A friend of mine died on Sunday. I will hopefully be publishing some new articles tomorrow.

Thanks for understanding.

Monday, October 22, 2012

President Obama: No Nuclear Talks With Iran

Today, the President declared that he did not wish to talk about anything "nuclear" with the leader of Iran.

After the last attempt to talk about nuclear related events, President Obama was exasperated after what can only be described as a mind-warping presentation from Ahmadinejad himself. You can check out our coverage of the presentation here.

"Ahmadinejad is a nice guy, alright. But every time we get together and play golf, all he does is talk about his nuclear program and his attempt to create viable nuclear kitchen appliances. Enough is enough, we can play golf next Sunday, Ahmadinejad, but no nuclear talk, at all."

President Ahmadinejad reportedly was very hurt by Obama's comment and was seen writing an apology with tears streaked all over his handwriting. 

"If I had known Ahmadinejad was going to act this way, I would have been a little less abrasive with my approach. Ahmadinejad, if you're watching, if it pleases you, we could talk about destroying Israel instead?"

Ahmadinejad responded in an email several seconds later.

"That would be awesome! You really know how to comfort a friend. We can talk about my new nuclear blender on a future date.

Best Friends Forever,

Your Favorite Dictator, Ahmadinejad

P.S. My new blender is really awesome! It makes your snacks glow in the dark so you don't have to turn on the light to eat!"


In other news, a mysterious form of energy, who insisted his name was Nuclear, was unsure why Obama would have to clarify that he, Nuclear, was not talking to Iran.

"Maybe I misunderstood the headlines, but I am sure it was referring to me!"

Satire Sanity News Corp 2012.

Poop transplants? For real?

No politicians were hurt while creating this photo.

Crap Fashions

The latest fashion craze is a strange one indeed. Of all the things fashion has thrown at us, I never thought we would outdo the mullet.

Poop transplants, yes, poop transplants. Some say it can save ones life. Others, anorexics, praise the new procedure.

"With poop transplants, my family will actually believe I am eating."

The grotesque has finally reached it's pinnacle. From the days of "Two Girls, One Cup" to the reality of today.

Poop transplants, available at your local crack den.

Satire Sanity News Corp. 2012