Credit Card Company Denies Man For Having Perfect Credit Score

Owe Us Money Inc., a credit card company, recently received a complaint from a Minneapolis man. According to the complaint, the man, Geud Kreditson, was denied a credit card because his credit was too good.

SatireSanity News Corp: You claim that you were denied a new credit line with Owe Us Money Inc. Can you share with us what their representative said to you?






Geud Kreditson: Well, when I first applied through them, I was sure that I would be offered a nice credit line. Suffice to say, I was a taken back when I received an email telling me that I was ineligible for a credit card through them.

SatireSanity News Corp: Can you tell us exactly what they said to you? Were they blunt or did they break the news to you easily?

Geud Kreditson: "Your application was denied for the following reasons... Your credit is much to high for us to reasonably make any money off of you. Feel free to reapply after your credit falls below 700. If you would like to speed up this process, we will, at no expense to you, make hard inquiries on your credit score until a sufficient amount of credit has been lost."

SatireSanity News Corp: That sounds horrible. Did you take them up on their offer?

Geud Kreditson: Nope, it seems like too much work to acquire a new credit card.

SatireSanity News Corp: Well, the best of luck to you. Hopefully your good credit does not jeopardize any future loans or credit lines.

After the interview we placed a telephone call to the credit card company in question.

"People with good credit are damaging to our corporation. If we make no money off of them, how can we continue to service our other customers needs? If we start offering credit to horribly responsible people who pay off their balance early every month we will have to start taking drastic measures to secure our future."

We then asked the company what kind of measure they were alluding to.

"Well, for one, our nice low interest rate of 90 percent would have to increase slightly to 150 percent. While this would allow us to make more money while destroying the credit of thousands, we would make too much money to be able to use the loopholes present in the tax code. Paying more taxes would devastate us."

When questioned about how much the company pays in taxes, Owe Us Money Inc was very honest with us.

"With the current tax loopholes in place, the IRS actually gives us a refund of 50 million dollars. If we raised our interest rates drastically the amount of refund we receive would plummet to a mere 5 million dollars. We have to keep our company's best interests in mind, even if that means opening bank accounts in the Cayman Islands."

With all this in mind, we recommend to our readers that Owe Us Money Inc. actually sounds like a good place to start a credit line. Owe Us Money Inc. will allow you to overdraw on your card for an amount not to exceed 100 thousand dollars, allowing you to live like you're rich. Just don't forget to pay it all off before you die, unless you want your children to pick up your bill.