The Real Reason Republicans Want to Deregulate Wall Street

This just in from our star correspondent, Daniel H. His report comes just after his interview with Karl Rove and cronies. According to Mr. Rove, the push to deregulate is just another election-winning venture.

"If we deregulate Wall Street before Obama's term is up, we just may go into another recession. That way, when Romney wins the White House, he can blame Obama for the financial struggles he will face."

When asked what his point was, Rove shared the following with us:





"We are already putting into plan how we will win the White House in 2020. You see, if Romney inherits the nation's debt while in a recession, the democrats will win the 2016 election. Romney knows absolutely nothing about managing a corporation, he was only just a figurehead in his business. I was the real brains behind his success."

Our correspondent asked Karl how they could plan on winning an election eight years in the future.

"Well, you see, in 2016 a democratic socialist will win the White House after Mormon boy loses due to how he handled the debt during his reign in the White House. So then a democratic president will inherit Romney's debt. And since the Democrats cannot manage a budget much better than we can, by the time the 2020 elections arrive the public will be begging for a Republican president." 

Daniel pointed out that the debt will still be there in 2020 the way Karl and his cronies manage things.

"Well you see, during the latter half of Romney's term, me and my associates plan on selling three quarters of the U.S. to the Chinese. This will give us a large amount of money which I will then turn around and invest in destroying the middle class. By the time a republican president is elected in 2020, we will have the money to destroy the debt once and for all. The ultimate effect is that the republicans will reign in the White House until George W. Bush's grandson wins the presidency.

Our correspondent asked Mr. Rove why that would change the scenario.

"George W's grandson will probably ignore imminent terrorist attacks. Then together with Donald Rumsfield's grandson, they will more than likely find some proof that Canada has weapons of mass destruction. Then he will attack Alaska under the guise that the state is harboring the Taliban. But that attack will only be started because of the oil in that region.

Our reporter pointed out that Alaska is already part of the U.S.A.

"C'mon, he will be George W. Bush's grandson, stupidity runs in that family."

SatireSanity News Corp. 2012