Saturday, November 23, 2013

Did Pocahontas Lie to All of Us?

Even she is pissed.
Not many people may be aware of this but nature and all it’s creatures are very slow to pick up on the latest trends. New movies and music are ancient to us by the time nature gets around to enjoying them. So should we be surprised that most of nature finally saw Disney’s “Pocahontas?” Probably not, but most were surprised after several of nature’s well known celebrities came out to protest the motion picture. There hasn’t been a scandal this large since Christina Aguilera’s famous song “Genie in a Bottle” outraged genies across the world back in the 90s.

Four well-known members of nature, Rainstorm, River, Heron, and Otter have all sued Disney and Pocahontas over what they claim is slanderous material. All four expressed outrage when Pocahontas sang a song titled “Colors of the Wind”, during the film.

“The rainstorm and the river are my brothers. The heron and the otter are my friend.” These two sentences fuel the anger behind the four members of nature named in the lawsuit. River and Rainstorm both claim that they hold no relation to Pocahontas.

“The few times Pocahontas even interacted with us in no way came even close representing us as a family. We are in no way related; she has no right to claim us as brothers, River isn’t even a dude!”

River was even more upset about the situation, but stressed that she in no way was referring to the Situation from Jersey Shore.

“I can’t believe this woman would call me her brother. Last time I checked I was still female. Besides, who drinks and bathes in their brother? Ewww!”

Heron and Otter, though not as traumatized by the situation, were most definitely offended by Pocahontas’ song.

“Did she think it was friendly when she tried to turn me and my real friends into shoes? My own mother, may she rest in peace, was it friendly to turn her into what eventually became Pocahontas’ favorite bra? And don’t tell me she was a “friend” of Heron, she practically had the table set when she tried turn him into supper!”

Thankfully for Pocahontas, she remains quite dead, but Disney isn’t so lucky. The court where the lawsuit was filed is even contemplating reviving Walt Disney himself from his cryogenic chamber.

PETA came out to support the lawsuit after Otter claimed Pocahontas had owned shoes and a bra made out of animal skin. Mary Kate and Ashley Olson both reappeared on the celebrity scene to back up Pocahontas and promote their new line of otter skin panties stating that they felt really good during the winter season.


Satire Sanity News Corp 2013


  1. How sick are people today... They aren't even talking about a person they're talking about a thing... Which is the river in which everyone in this world drinks or bathes....

    1. Not sure exactly what you are getting at. Which is the river? Please explain and I will be happy to discuss!