Thursday, November 21, 2013

Landlord Informs Tenant Freezing Apartment More Positive Than Appears

Frozen Apartment Satire
After a tenant reported failing heat at his apartment, the landlord reminded the renter that things were much better than once thought.

"The tenant is very lucky to have a freezing home. Not only does the occupant's home serve as large capacity freezer but it also stops his toilet from leaking."

Investigation to the landlord's claims proved factual. The tenants toilet had been leaking from the base for over a year, but instead of pooling on the floor, the water began to freeze. This new formation of ice acts as a seal, preventing more water from spreading across the tiles.

The tenant has taken advantage of the sub-zero temperatures and began purchasing large amount of meat products.

"Before the temperature in my unit plummeted I was unable to store anymore food in my freezer. Now that my entire place functions as a freezer I can store much more meat and frozen foods."

The well blessed man was seen butchering and then storing large amounts of venison in his bedroom closet. The living room is now used to store large quantities of pistachio ice cream.

"Over here we have our frozen vegetable section, the area behind my sofa serves well for this purpose."

The occupant also was overjoyed that making ice cubes for his beverages was much easier than before.

"If I need ice I need only turn on my faucet, the water freezes as soon as it hits the ice cube tray. Who needs to wait hours for perfectly formed cubes."

The tenant has begun subleasing portions of his bathroom to his neighbors for storage of their own recently purchased portion of frozen products.

"This man is very generous. For only 50 dollars a month I can store as much frozen sardines as my heart desires."

Other nearby residents have purchased portions of the occupant's floor space, storing many things, one resident even reportedly storing the body parts of several murder victims for future consumption.

With much space remaining, the newly rich tenant sees a bright financial future on the horizon.


Satire Sanity News Corp 2013

No comments:

Post a Comment