God Makes a Rare Appearance

God Doesn’t Like Onions, Most News Outlets Speechless but Satire Sanity Has the Scoop

The Almighty Creator landed in Times Square this afternoon causing shock and panic amongst thousands. A rare appearance from God was certainly not on anyone’s schedule for today, but not many people thought it wise to point this out to Him.

After spending a few hours shopping, sporting a brand new white robe, God the Father was seen entering a local diner for a bite to eat. Everything seemed peaceful until shortly after God received his meal. A pillar of fire materialized in the sky over the diner, striking the table at which He was sitting.

“I saw the whole thing!” one eyewitness was recorded saying. “The waitress served him a burger. He took one bite and that’s when it happened.”

Several onlookers reported the pillar of fire burning the table and burger to ash. The manager of the diner reportedly offered God a refund but He refused politely before reminding the woman to tithe next Sunday. Exiting the building, our camera crew arrived just in time to see the Lord walk swiftly to a nearby hot dog stand for a beef frank. Our news crew finally managed to put on enough sunglasses to look directly at Him.

“Um… God… I was wondering if you could comment about the pillar of fire seen just a few moments ago.”

Casually wiping ketchup off of His new white robes God approached the microphone.

“I knew I should have never created onions, such nasty things. Who knew such a nice waitress could get my order wrong.”

The waitress was later fired after God sent a complaint to the diner’s owner.

Evidently God Almighty doesn’t eat his onions. Woe to those who feed onions to the Lord Thy God.

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Daniel Hines
Main Author for Satire Sanity News Corp 2013