Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Disturbance at Local American Crystal Sugar Plant

Workers at the American Crystal Sugar plant feel slighted after a well written proposal to the head of the company was rejected.


The proposal was very direct and to the point, it is written as follows...

1. One free cup of sugar, per worker, per day.

2. One 5 pound bag of sugar, per worker, per every week of vacation time taken.

3. Paid sick leave, to the maximum of 2 days for every time a bag of sugar falls on an employees foot, 3 days if the worker is disabled.

4. Employer enforced nap time from one to two in the afternoon.

Several employees allegedly were forcibly removed from the factory last Friday. Reportedly they were removed because they staunchly refused to leave all measuring cups and blankets in their possession. Charges have not been file against these employees for the inability to follow factory guidelines.

Daniel Hines
Reporter for SatireSanity Inc.

2 comments:

  1. I thought for sure that the diabetics would be screaming for EQUAL.tm Ya know, equal pay, equal work, sugar substitutes etc.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lol, never thought about diabetics working for American Crystal. You would think that would be a disqualifying attribute.

    ReplyDelete