See our first look at this story.Today at the Vatican, the Pope finally came to the conclusion that Jesus Christ was indeed a witch. His judgement came after the Pope declared all miracles a source of evil.
"God does not condone any supernatural events. He must be really disappointed with his Son on this matter."
Jesus rebutted by mentioning that the Vatican had been found guilty of covering up sexual scandals for decades.
"The Pope is out of line. He needs to to see his own sin before creating sin in others that does not exist."
God himself made a bold statement directly to the Pope after a large flock of white doves bombed the Pope with bird dung. Closer examination of the bird poop revealed the message "Repent" smeared on the Pope's robes.
"My Father today revealed his continued support for me during the event involve the doves. This is not to say he is no longer angry with me for not giving him grandchildren, but he did go out of his way to help me."
After the dove event became public, the Cardinals in residence at the Vatican could not help but giggle at the situation the Pope had found himself in. Reports leaked out of the Vatican that the Pope was distraught, unable to take all the teasing. Some had even taken to calling him the "Poopy Pope".
It was not until an hour ago that we received information from the Pope's mother that the papal seat had ran away from home.
"He was always such a good child. For him to run away like this is such a slap to my face. When I find him I am going to make a coat out of his hide."
Vatican authorities informed our office that this is not the first time he has run away. From what we learned the pope often runs away to avoid the mean cardinals.
"We expect to find him at the bus station. He never gets really far, he never did understand the concept of money."
We can only wait to see what further news comes out of this situation. We will update you as the story unfolds.
SatireSanity News Corp. 2012
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