EPA Bans Automobile Tires

Back in 1985, when the year 2000 was the future and 2012 the age of the machines, the EPA helped pass a law. This law that would come into effect in the far future, October 1 2012 it seems.

The bill was called 'Tires Are Not the Future.' This law was setup so that it could not be repealed. The law states the following...

"Today, automobiles rules the streets. As these automobiles get older, they go through many tires. Tires that are threadbare, tires that have blown out. Even some tires changed because the owner didn't like how they looked.

The purpose of this bill is to look into the future and see the effect old tires have on our landfills. And by looking at the future determining when the tire should be phased out.

Several noteworthy scientist and historians agree, by the year 2000 we should expect the flying car. A car that does not need tires. This is the future we will see. You see it in movies, flying cars a fast approaching reality.

Upon passage of this bill, measures will be taken to ensure that it is carried out at it's appropriate time. This bill, being unanimously supported by Congress and signed by the president, will take effect on October 1st 2012.

This bill cannot be repealed until 2022, ten years after it becomes law.

With flying cars a soon to be reality, we anticipate that their will be certain citizens who wish to keep their land-based vehicles. With the time-frame set, we believe we have given these tire enthusiast time to make the change.

No more tires equals less pollution and smaller landfills.

Authored and signed, October 1st, 1985."

Even now, before the bill has become law, we can see it's effects. Tire companies are reducing their stock. Companies like Ford and Toyota are now sending cars off the line with no tires.

Many resident have called in to give their opinions.

"This new law is stupid. We don't have flying cars and I don't expect them to happen in my lifetime." - Mitt Romney, Republican Buffoon candidate.

"The days of burning the rubber are gone. Now we will have to scrape around on our rims. I wonder what kind of fun we can have now." - Jeff Gordon, NASCAR car watcher.

"I think it is wonderful! Think of what kind of impact this should have on the environment. We took the tires off our car last weekend. I am angry that Ford has not yet made a durable rim on their cars. After a few minutes of driving tireless, the car stopped cold. Just because these companies don't like the new tire law does not allow them to make second-rate rims. Oh and does this apply to my private jet? I love leaving huge streaks of pollution in the atmosphere." Al Gore - really don't know who he is but rumor is that he once ran for 'Supreme Idiot of the Universe.'

A Ford spokesman addressed the issue today.

"We are working, without sleep, trying engineer a flying car. But nothing is working. Several of our engineers have been hospitalized after the lack of sleep drove them to start using meth. It just can't be done yet. Hovercrafts are possible, but they are rather large and wouldn't do good on our roads."

FDA officials accused the government of failing to disclose their large supply of top-secret flying cars.

"The government has a huge fleet of flying cars. They are mad that we helped push that bill into law back in 1985 so they are going to act like spoiled children. The government needs to either release these flying cars or help the auto companies invent a strong metal rim."

After work while I was undoing the chain on the bike, a police officer approached me and confiscated my tires. I will miss them, my tire rims just don't give me the same control.

Satire Sanity News Corp 2012