Thursday, October 11, 2012

Microsoft Unveils New Operating System, Apple Attempts to Keep Up

Microsoft's New Operating System
Microsoft, founded in 1975, has a reputation in the operating system world. With the advent of Windows and Office, Microsoft set itself solidly in the concrete of the computer world.

Windows 3.1, 95, 98, Windows ME, 2000, XP, Vista and the current Windows 7 have all made their mark in history. Microsoft has created good software and extremely bad software. With Windows 8 on the horizon, many wonder if the rumors of change are true.

"Microsoft is doing something different this time. Not only are we improving on the operating systems of the past, we are changing the dynamic way this new version will run."

Microsoft has kept all the technical information secret but we do finally have a official name to go by. Leaving the path of familiarity, Windows is poised to take a nosedive into the software graveyard.

"The Windows brand will be discontinued. We believe the concept of fashioning our system from that of a window is outdated. It is time for us to begin fashioning our programs after other housing features.

Today we introduce, Microsoft Doors 1.0!

With a new concept, Microsoft will further expand it's vast empire!"

Apple, unwilling to be seen as behind-the-times, (even though they are), also introduced it's new line of upcoming computers.

Apple Inc. as Banana Inc.
"Microsoft will not outdo us. Apple is planning on changing the company name. We will be forever known as 'Banana!"

Banana is currently trying to figure out how the new computers should look, if the design should resemble a banana or just look like a regular computer.

A source from inside Banana has confirmed sneaking suspicions that the company plans to take their technology back to the 80s.

"They think that if they wish to be successful, they will have to go back to their roots. This means restarting the company using 1977 technology and horribly small screens."

The oldest, most insignificant, fanboys love it!
Market analysts believe that they will use the same tactic that it uses with those who impatiently await the new iPhone 6.

"They will start off the line of new Banana computers with obsolete technology, promising to provide state of the art specs several years down the road. Apple, now Banana fanboys will wait with cult-like loyalty until their elderly years as Banana promises they will one day finally introduce an accessory called the 'CD-ROM."

The new/obsolete Banana computer retails at the awesome low price of 2,000 dollars. The specs are amazing and are as follows:

  • cassette interface available to storage space
  • State of the art 5.25-inch floppy drive not included but can be purchased for 1,000 dollars
  • 1 MHz processor
  • 9 inch built-in monochrome screen
  • 4k of RAM
  • A fake piece of cardboard that has a picture of a keyboard on it
Looks like a fine computer to me, at least Banana did not retail it at 666.66 dollars like they did with the first Apple.

Satire Sanity News Corp. 2012

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