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The company donated 200 of their shoes to an upcoming marathon event being held to raise awareness for victims of crime and poverty. The marathon event was to span several states, starting in Minneapolis, Minnesota and ending in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
The event started off smoothly, with Betty White in the lead. It wasn't until the runners made it to Kansas that things began to go awry.
"We were producing coverage for the event, video taping the runners on their arduous trek. But as we entered Kansas, nothing seem to make sense anymore."
After several days of running, the camera team got the sneaking suspicion that they weren't in Kansas anymore.
"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."
The cameramen were lost, having no way to identify where they were going.
"As long as we follow the runners we will be just fine."
One of the cameramen suggested someone text a friend and ask for directions.
"I had this really nice Samsung Galaxy S III. The texting is awesome. I even have 4g coverage right now."
The cameramen were really upset that one of them had forgotten to download Google Maps.
"We just got word that Betty White has made it to the finish line, the only one it seems."
After a few more days of wandering, one of the runners pointed out a "Welcome to Mexico" sign.
"Oklahomans love to play jokes, pretending like this is Mexico and all. Maybe we can find a good mexican restaurant!"
As we were traveling through what appeared to be hundreds of bushes, what one runner said they looked familiar.
"Those look like coca bushes. The make cocaine from it. Wonder who they belong to?"
The man looked around suspiciously as he wiped some white powder from his nostril.
The next morning, while continuing to traverse through lush fields of drugs, the convoy came across a very mean looking group of men. They were all holding Uzi's and a little way behind them was Sarah Palin holding a "Right to bear arms" sign.
"We were peacefully driving when a large militia of drug-lords overtook our runners. After searching a few of the men, they discovered a large amount of cocaine in their possession. Sarah Palin became involved upon this discovery.
"Dru'ugs are illegaal and unpatriotic to the flaag! Yur aul going to ja'el."
After determining they had no money, the men with Uzi's took all the New Balance shoes and began handing out narcotics anonymous pamphlets.
As it turned out, these were not cocaine traffickers but a radicalized team of a special D.A.R.E. operatives.
"After leaving Mexico, I am glad my life has been spared. They said I could live if in return I enter rehab when I get home."
The cameramen were later ashamed to find out that they could have downloaded Google Maps of the Google Play store.
New Balance issued a product recall after a large group of rich New York City teenage males found themselves in the middle of gang territory.
Satire Sanity News Corp. 2012
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