Doctor Psycho "The Rapist" Gonnarapeya, a reputable therapist was arrested after ten years worth of multiple rape reports against him were uncovered in the local police station's utility closet.
"We always thought it was a joke, a play on words. The word 'therapist' when separated spells out 'the-rapist'. How were we supposed to know these people had actually been raped?"
A spokesman for the local Rape and Abuse Center attacked the Lincoln Health Center for it's gross display of ignorance.
"These victims would come screaming out of Dr. Gonnarapeya's office. Often their clothing was either missing or in shreds. More than one showed signs of bruising and one victim in particular ran out of the office, bleeding profusely with a knife in his neck!"
The health center's administration was confused on how this could possibly happen.
"The occurrence with the blood and the knife happened around Halloween, we thought it was a costume!"
Many of the center's employees praised Ams Gonnarapeya for being a brilliant therapist.
"So many of the young boys he counseled were able to overcome their fears of being judged and openly identified themselves as gay or bisexual. He did a lot to boost their confidence."
Reports show that of the 2,400 teenage boys Gonnarapeya counseled, 99% of them later identified themselves as bisexual, homosexual or as straight men with gay experiences.
Investigations into Dr. Ams' criminal history found that he had three prior convictions for rape. We asked the psychiatric center how they could have possibly overlooked his criminal past.
"When I read his resume, he had both a masters and doctorate as a therapist. He seemed like a perfect professional therapist for the position!"
When our office received Doctor Gonnarapeya's resume we were shocked to see what the man had really written on his resume.
"Degrees: MBA, as the rapist, Doctorate, as the rapist
Professional Titles: the rapist, very professional
Bio: All my friends call me 'Psycho the Rapist'. It's a little joke we have between us. I am very good at what I do. I have had four prior experiences at being the rapist. I can promise you that you will not find anyone more qualified than me in this area. As the rapist, I am the best there is!"
The center's administrator was later diagnosed with dyslexia. She apologized profusely, stating that she always had suffered with dyslexia, often combining separate words as one.
Satire Sanity News Corp. 2012
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