After a local adult bookstore reported that their warehouse full of precariously stacked adult videos collapsed onto the factory floor, Kimberly's interest was sparked.
"I have been informed that the naughty videos add up to over a million. That makes a very large pile. It gives me a chance to investigate a scientific question, do adult films weigh more than normal DVDs?"
The bookstore agreed to the experiment on the condition that Kimberly does not open any of the cases.
Today after the warehouse opened, Kimberly was seen readying herself for the experiment. We took notice of a large oxygen tank, a box of Trojans, baby wipes, and a small household scale.
We watched in awe as Kimberly climb the nearest shelf, about twenty feet of the ground. The warehouse staff held their breath as she elegantly dived into the pile. After about thirty minutes of horrible adult film music, the pile began to shift. After an hour or so, the technician on the site declared that Matthews oxygen tank would soon be depleted. The warehouse crew began to clear the DVDs away carefully. As they cleared, parts of Kimberly were uncovered. She was in a sorry state.
Paramedics appeared on the scene and began to attempt resuscitation. After a few minutes of this treatment Kimberly came to.
"The weight of the DVDs almost overwhelmed me. I would have thought they would have weighed no more than worthless fluff. It was like each DVD was playing in my head. But I have discovered something very important, adult videos are hazardous to your health."
When asked if the videos weigh more than an average pile of normal movies Kimberly informed us that she had yet to test the weight of normal DVDs.
"As to if I will do the next experiment, I think I will need time to recuperate. I believe that DVDs like 'The Godfather' and other great movies of the past will weigh much more, crappy films like 'I Am Number 4' and the box set 'Heroes' should weigh significantly less."
Satire Sanity News Corp 2012
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