Good Samaritan Helps Ohio Man Twice In Eight Years

A man by the name of Gerald, an Ohio resident, has a knack for getting into trouble, of the non-criminal type. Yesterday, after driving home from a meeting with his shrink, Gerald parked his car on the side of the road and walked into the ditch. After several minutes of laying in the ditch, a kind man, known only as the Good Samaritan found Gerald in the ditch.

"He was having a mental breakdown, screaming, making animal noises and weeping without pause. His clothes were torn and frankly indecent."

The Good Samaritan decided to help poor Gerald.

"I forced about 10 Valiums down his throat. While my hand was down his throat, I thought I recognized the teeth that were biting into my forearm."

After Gerald calmed down the Good Samaritan asked if they had ever met before. Gerald recounted an event 8 years ago involving a poor attempt at fishing.

"I remember that event now. I was fishing down by the river when I saw Gerald putting his own hand on his fishing hook. Before I was able to get there, Gerald has tried to cast his line with his hand attached."

The Good Samaritan chastised Gerald about fishing. Obviously the man had no clue how to fish.

"After removing his hand from the hook and bandaging the fish bites on his fingers, I told Gerald that he was not allowed to fish anymore. I banned him, using my authority as a intelligent person."

After the second encounter, Gerald asked his new friend out on a fishing trip. The Good Samaritan was against this idea. The Good Samaritan took Gerald to a local common sense seminar instead.