"At first I could smell it. It was extremely foul, but after a few minutes of searching for the source, my sense of smell shutdown."
"We were walking in the neighborhood when we saw green smoke rolling out of a house. It smelled like death, freshly cooked bird, and melting metal."
When the fire department arrived on the scene, the residents of the home were seen fleeing their residence.
After the situation was assessed and under control the fire chief approached our camera team and made a statement.
"Luckily everyone made it out alive. They suffered minor injuries to their sense of smell but are otherwise alright. The only loss of life apparent was that of a flock of geese who flew through the smoke cloud. They dropped dead almost immediately."
Chicago's city manager released a statement blaming the sewer system.
"The sorry state of our sewer is to blame. After the upstairs toilet was flushed, a reaction occurred in the piping. The toilet began expelling methane gas. This led to the toilet melting through the floor and ultimately destroying several sections of the house and it's foundation."
Safety experts began putting out fliers pleading with homeowners to buy methane detectors.
"If your bowel movements can cause such horrible reactions, it is better to be safe than sorry. Installing a methane detector in your home's bathroom can alert you before you flush a potentially toxic bowel movement. Help us save lives."
The homeowners stated that no one in the house has toxic bowel movements.
Satire Sanity News Corp 2012
Of course the homeowners stated that way. Nobody thinks that their movements are toxic. Something in the water?
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