"The near nakedness of the participants combined with the full body contact in the ring just offends me. The way they straddle each other just reeks of homosexual overtones."
Larry Craig, former US politician who was caught trying to solicit a police officer took the stage after watching the latest UFC match.
"It offends me to see such blatant contact in the rings. After I was falsely accused of trying to solicit a police officer, this show only increases my insecurity."
UFC fighters released a statement after the story hit the headlines.
"Don't get us wrong, we dislike the homoerotic situations that occur in the ring. We too are insecure about this contact. We have appealed to the organizers of UFC, demanding that we be allowed to wear full-body suits to remedy our insecurity."
The suits suggested would have done nothing in the realm of modesty. If anything, the suits would be even more revealing then the short the fighters wear in the ring.
Several fighters felt the need to release a statement confirming their heterosexuality.
"We are not gay."
Thank you, but we didn't ask.
Satire Sanity News Corp 2012
