Romney Weighs In On The Issues

During a debate hosted by our news corp last night, we had the chance to ask Romney and Obama several questions. Please keep in mind, that like all politicians, they often avoid answering certain points.

"The first question of the night is this; what do you think about regulating Wall Street and how do you plan to act if you win the election."

Obama: "I think regulation is good. It was Wall Street that put us in the recession. If I am reelected I will continue to maintain regulation.



Romney: "Regulation is very bad and my opponent should know this. The recession was only caused because Wall Street was already under too many regulations. They need to be able to make massive amounts of money as that is where major contribution funds come to empower the Republican campaigns. If I am elected I plan to remove all regulations from Wall Street. That should make my friends happy."

"The next question is, how do you plan to create jobs, what steps will you take?"

Romney: "Well, I plan to create lots and lots of jobs. 12 million to be exact. Obama has created absolutely no jobs at all.

Obama: "First of all, Mister Romney obviously forgot the second half of the question. 'What steps will you take'. In my four years as president, I have created many jobs. While it is true that the amount of lost jobs is currently offsetting those that are being created, this is a major problem that I am currently working on. What Romney just said was a blatant lie. Can I get a penalty shot?"

"The next question is, do you support rights for all citizens, specifically on the basis of marriage and the right to one's own body?"

Obama: "I support the rights of women. It is not the job of the government to tell people what parts of their body they have no control over. I have recently, to the dismay of many of the Tea Party, declared DOMA, or Defense of Marriage Act, unworthy of defense."

Romney: "Let's just say that the mayor of New York City knows that citizens should not have the right to destroy their body. Even in cases of rape, abortion is wrong. If a woman is truly raped, her body will not allow it's self to get pregnant. Those who do were actually not raped at all. I plan to criminalize all abortions. This is my number one priority when I take office, that and defending marriage. I will not rest until those issues are in line with the rich republican of this nation."

"Obama, you wish to rebut?"

Obama: "So you say that when you get in office, you plan to focus on destroying civil rights? I thought you were all about 'creating jobs'. Here you are lying again."

Romney: "Jobs are my number one priority, I must of misspoke. Look at my face, do you believe I could lie?"

The crowd all coughed in unison.

"Yes"

"The final question tonight is about the defense budget. Do you support military intervention in Syria or Iran?"

Romney: "I support increasing the defense budget drastically. I do not plan to intervene in Syria, I mean really, they have no oil. Iran, for sure, Rush Limbaugh told me to do it, the money we could make there is enormous. Destroy their government and make a halfhearted attempt to set up democracy."

Obama: "I ask for another penalty shot, obviously Romney has forgotten how to lie. There you have it America, Romney would rather cut programs that help our citizens and pour large amounts of money we do not have into to more defense spending."

"Judges, do we have our scores ready?"

The head judge stands up to speak.

"It was a tough call but we have come to an agreement, Romney isn't wearing his magic Mormon underwear."

That concludes our coverage.

SatireSanity News Corp. 2012