"Every time I try to input Mitt's name into our ballot system, the computer gives me an error. It simply is unable to handle his last name. Yesterday, while attempting to force the system to recognize the last name, the entire server network went up in smoke. They just melted down in front of us."
Sources confirm that large arrays of servers have melted down due to excess heat.
"It's like the last name, which I cannot type for fear of my system, it is like his last name is a super-virus."
Mitt was later seen making a statement in front of the capital.
"We are currently trying to remedy this problem. The issue is a tough one but I have theories."
Later, we received a portion of the transcripts that did not get aired.
"It is possible that my holy underpants have somehow seen the election process as evil. Since they protect me from evil, they may also protect other things about me. I will have to confer with my Mormon Temple on this one."
He also went on to blame those who practice Wicca.
"It could be an evil spell. Those Wicca-witches really hate my guts. It may be a curse."
A statement was issued by the Mormon Church.
"It appears to be a glitch in the holy underwear Mitt -Error- is wearing. He may have taken wearing the underwear too seriously. We were surprised to find out that Mitt -Error- has never taken those things off. He wears them when taking a shower. This in itself could have shorted out the underwear."
Tom Cruise, who always likes to get his midget ass into everybody's business also released a statement.
"As a Scientologist, we believe that if Mitt pays us a large sum of money, our thingamajig devices could remove this curse. It is obviously a plot created by the evil Prince Lord Xenu."
Evil Prince Lord Xenu declined to comment.
For now, it appears that Mitt will not be entered on the ballot. So let us be the first to announce it,
"Obama has won the election!!!!"
SatireSanity News Corp. 2012
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