"He kept screaming about how mankind was safe from a zombie apocalypse. What really frightened us was his rapid weight gain and what appeared to be a permanent blob of cream filling on his chin."
Investigators on the scene uncovered a illegal Twinkie lab in the suspect's basement. Evidence of illegal Ding Dong manufacturing was found on the scene.
"The suspect is in big trouble here. These people need to be punished, first meth labs then Twinkie labs?"
Walmart released a statement regarding the situation.
"As with Sudafed, customers are only allowed to purchase up to 3 tubs of cream filling per day."
The local residents are very thankful that the culprit was apprehended.
"The last thing we needed was this evil man selling Twinkies to our children."
No news yet whether Twinkie labs are as flammable as your average meth lab.
Satire Sanity News Corp. 2012
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