Man Refuses To Obey Stop Sign, Says Octogon Never Taught In Preschool

Police arrested a heavyset man today after they reportedly saw him run through every stop sign in town. Police tell us that the fat man in question has a relatively low IQ, slightly higher than his shoe size and is ignorant of many things that require logical thinking.

"The defendant claims that stop signs mean nothing to him. His lawyer is not letting us near the obese bag of flesh so we do not know why the defendant couldn't possible recognize the stop sign."

The police are also confused as to why the fat man needed a lawyer as they where only handing him a traffic ticket.

After repeated attempts to get in contact with defendant, we stalked the heavyset man through town until he stopped at the local McDonald's. Our undercover reporter, Daniel, entered the store in an attempt to speak to the fat fool. After the fat man ordered 5 big macs and a 4 large fries our reporter approached the mass of blubber with a large fry as bait.

"I was never taught about that shape on the stop sign as a fat child. In fact, they only taught us circle and square. I hear there are more shapes but that's where I stop knowing stuff."

According to Peter Griffin's slightly more mentally challenged brother, his ignorance excused him from traffic laws.

"Whatever shape is on the stop sign, if I don't know it how am I supposed to react."

The fat man's lawyer later appealed to the judge that his client be considered medically stupid with complications stemming from McDonald's.

Satire Sanity News Corp 2012

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A Brief Interviews of Stupid People

After our previous interview with a man proud of his third grade education, found here, we decide to go out and interview random people on the street.

Our first interview was with a obvious bum name Thad.

Interviewer: So what can you tell us about your time in the city?

Thad: Well, I have had to stop wearing my backpack.

Interviewer: Why? I wear a backpack all the time?

Thad: Every time I go into the library or a store, I am always asked to open my backpack up so they can see inside. The must think I am stealing books or something.

Interviewer: Well, you do look like a serious hobo. People probably think you would steal anything but a toothbrush. Thanks for your time.


We then targeted a man who shined with ignorance.

Interviewer: What do you think about President Obama?

Ignorant Guy: I hate him and his Obamacare.

Interviewer: Why do you hate Obamacare? You do know that you are covered by it, you should qualify easily, most ignorant people do.

Ignorant Guy: Well, I hate Obama cause he is stupid, and I hate Obamacare because he wants to fine me for not getting insurance.

Interviewer: I think the reason behind the mandate was so that as many citizens as possible receive care. The more people receiving preventative care, the healthier the nation will become. It is the people who who don't have healthcare that get ill more often than those who do. And when they get ill, they spread it to others rapidly.

Ignorant Guy: I don't care about any of that, I should have the freedom to say "no"!

Interviewer: So then why aren't you complaining about liability insurance on your car? That is mandatory as well.

Ignorant Guy: That's normal, healthcare is not. Liability insurance if for wimps anyway. I'll never get caught.

We watched Mr. Ignorant walk to his car while drinking from a large bottle of vodka.

It seems that this last man interviewed has no brain to justify mention.


Our last interview of the day came from a lady layered in expensive clothing.

Interviewer: You look well off, what complaints do you have about this country?

Rich Woman: I am mad that Obama Hussein wants to raise taxes on the rich.

Interviewer: Why do you use his middle name? Most people just say his first and last name.

Rich Woman: FOX NEWS wants us to call him that so we never forget he is a Muslim tourist.

Interviewer: You mean a terrorist but I have one more question for you. If the middle class has to pay, let us use an arbitrary number, 15 percent, why should those in the upper 2 percent of the tax bracket have to pay a smaller percentage? If they pay 15 percent should you not also pay the same percentage.

Rich Woman: Hell no, if 15 percent of the average middle class family is about 10 thousand a year, us rich people should have to only pay about 10 thousand year. How is anything fair.

Interviewer: Tax is applied to every dollar you make, therefore if you make 10 million a year you would have to pay a lot more than the average american. How is that wrong?

Rich Woman: FOX NEWS says that it is wrong.

That ended our interviews for the day.

Mitt Romney Conveniently Forgets About the People of Tuvalu and Other Things

Last night at the the Republican convention, Mitt Romney somehow made it to the stage. After what seemed like hours of roundabout opinions that revealed nothing of his real stance, Romney started getting a gurgle in his intestinal region. This was the big nasty, something that would lose him the election if he did not make it to the bathroom. What would his boy-toy Paul Ryan think of him. Does his wife know about his obsession? Mitt Romney knew that he needed to wrap up the speech quickly, so he began to spew forth disinformation.

New Signs of Civilization Before Sumer

An exciting bit of news hit our desk late last night from a renowned archaeologist, the Doctor James le'Truth. Stunning information was discovered by Dr. le'Truth last month at a dig in the Sahara desert region. le'Truth claims that he found and dated artifacts that show their very ancient nature. After being skeptical of his readings, le'Truth retested the artifacts ten different times using different methods each time. The age of the artifacts? Over twenty thousand years old.

"I was amazed at this discovery. After all, I was the one who had a fellow archaeologist discredited and put to shame by the scientific community. I destroyed her, mainly because I did not want to agree that most of what we as archaeologists and cultural anthropologists support as fact, is indeed false."

He went on to say that he used to be part of the dogmatic community.

Stupid Person Doesn't Like People Who Graduated High School

This insanely boring news was brought to our attention here at SatireSanity News Corp. only a few hours ago. A man by the name of Butch was approached by our star reporter, Daniel H, after a commotion occurred outside of a local high school.

When our reporter approached the high school he was hit by a wave of stupidity, radiating from a distinctly ignorant look man-child. He was able to ask Butch a few questions about his protesting outside of the school.