Police arrested a heavyset man today after they reportedly saw him run through every stop sign in town. Police tell us that the fat man in question has a relatively low IQ, slightly higher than his shoe size and is ignorant of many things that require logical thinking.
"The defendant claims that stop signs mean nothing to him. His lawyer is not letting us near the obese bag of flesh so we do not know why the defendant couldn't possible recognize the stop sign."
The police are also confused as to why the fat man needed a lawyer as they where only handing him a traffic ticket.
After repeated attempts to get in contact with defendant, we stalked the heavyset man through town until he stopped at the local McDonald's. Our undercover reporter, Daniel, entered the store in an attempt to speak to the fat fool. After the fat man ordered 5 big macs and a 4 large fries our reporter approached the mass of blubber with a large fry as bait.
"I was never taught about that shape on the stop sign as a fat child. In fact, they only taught us circle and square. I hear there are more shapes but that's where I stop knowing stuff."
According to Peter Griffin's slightly more mentally challenged brother, his ignorance excused him from traffic laws.
"Whatever shape is on the stop sign, if I don't know it how am I supposed to react."
The fat man's lawyer later appealed to the judge that his client be considered medically stupid with complications stemming from McDonald's.
Satire Sanity News Corp 2012
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