"To start off, I find this to be unethical and unfair, the floor-mat Romney will be standing on offers him an overwhelming advantage."
According to extensive research done on the effects of Mormons standing on certain floor-mats, the individual's "magic Mormon underwear" would interact with it in an interesting way. The research shows that the "magic underwear" reacts with the floor-mat creating a magical aura of charisma.
"The magic that will be at work with Romney will be unstoppable. We are doing our best to remove all floor-mats, but if we do that, his magic underpants may react with the podium or some other overlooked object."
Obama has one advantage that may be useful. His ability to close his eyes, lower his head during a debate will give people the impression that he doesn't even need to argue what is so obvious. Or it may lead people to believe he is extremely tired and very talented at sleeping standing up.
The word on the streets is that Obama is posed to win due to his advantage.
"I know that I will vote for him. The appreciation he shows towards sleep is comforting. I love sleep, therefore I love Obama."
You can buy "Sleeping During Debates For Dummies" from your local bookstore for the low price of 29.99$. It also features an introduction written by Barrack Obama himself.
You can buy your own pair of "magic Mormon underwear" for the low price of joining a secretive cult and taking a holy pilgrimage to the holy planet of Kolob. Please see your local Mormon Temple of Doom for details.
Satire Sanity News Corp. 2012
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