"I was laying down under my bridge like I always do on Sundays. Because of the "Sunday Law", none of the stores are open, not to mention public services like the hospital and the fire department."
The arresting officer, "Just Following Orders" Peterson, was cornered while hiding from us in a church pew.
"The law is very clear. Just laying down after church is unlawful. One must actually be sleeping. After watching the man breath for several minutes, I could tell that he was not sleeping but just closing his eyes. I also suspect that he did not attend church that day."
Local law enforcement is going over church data to discover if the homeless man registered for church service. North Dakota is the only state that requires churches to install scanners to verify who attended church and who did not.
A judge later set the homeless man's bond at one million dollars, citing gross disobedience of state laws regarding church attendance.
"The bond was set so high for a couple of reasons. How can I let him out of jail when it has been determined that he will refuse to go to church in the future? Not to mention that he is homeless and will most definitely not sleep during the daylight hours on Sunday. Why release him when he will just repeat his offense?"
North Dakota's governor expressed his love of the "Sunday Law."
"It is a fine example of how easy it is to create unconstitutional laws. Until someone stops us we will continue making laws to the contrary. I am planning on recommending a law stating that citizens can only attend Catholic church service. Anything other, like Lutheran and Baptist churches must respect 'Sunday Law'."
As of today, the state prosecutors are recommending a life sentence and excommunication for the homeless man.
"We feel we must make an example with this homeless man. If anyone ever thinks to go against the moral code of our senators and representative again, they will suffer greatly. This state will continue to respect the religion of Catholicism."
Those in favor of the sentence were quick to point out that the homeless man should feel lucky.
"He goes from living under a bridge to the assurance that he will always have a concrete ceiling over him."
North Dakota is currently in the process of creating a new law that would violate the 8th Amendment.
"No cruel and unusual punishment? Ha, this new law would let us do whatever we want when it comes to our citizens."
In other news, President Obama is currently planning a nuclear strike against North Dakota. The name of the nuke to be used, "Thomas Jefferson."
Satire Sanity News Corp 2012
Fact: North Dakota has a "Sunday Law" that prohibits most businesses from opening before noon on Sundays. Car Dealerships are prohibited from opening at all on Sunday.
Source: BismarckCafe.com
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