Tenant Waits 6 Months for Apartment Key

James Naff is your normal college-age student. He works, gets awesome grades and parties ever other Saturday. He even has an apartment, a very spacious one bedroom with an awesome kitchen. The only problem in James' life is his landlord.

"My landlord is driving me crazy. He does it every week."

He is referring to the multiple times his landlord has unlawfully forced James into the company SUV only to drive around in tight circles until the tenant would begin hallucinating.

What most of James' friends don't realize, apart from being driven crazy, he also sleeps outside. He has his own tent pitched in the backyard. All the camping supplies James could afford are in this little ten foot by ten foot square.

"I signed the lease about six months ago. Then the landlord started acting like an ass. It took me an entire month to get my mailbox key. Now winter is approaching and I have yet to get the key to the apartment. Do you know how frustrating it is to be 25 feet away from a warm apartment?"

According to his lease, James can at no time forcibly enter the premises, thereby preventing him from breaking down the door.

After interviewing James we spoke to his landlord.

"I told him I would get it to him as soon as I can. But my family comes first and we are heading down south for the winter, to stay warm."

Local meteorologist, Dave Dahl, is predicting that James has a 75 percent chance of freezing to death this winter.

"But let's be optimistic, there is also a .005 percent chance that a balmy southern warm front will envelope James' tent keeping him alive for the winter."

Satire Sanity News Corp. 2012